Forced Vengeance

Earlier I shared my fondness for Lone Wolf McQuade – which may cause you to think I enjoy all Chuck Norris films. Guess again. Forced Vengeance has to feature one of the most wooden performances ever by a lead actor. Not only does Chuck give a crap performance, his lack of emotion and poor dialogue delivery are amplified by a voice-over which runs throughout the length of the film.

I suppose some of the blame should go to director James Fargo. I have a lot of time for Fargo. He may not be a ‘name’ director, but he came up through the ranks, working as assistant director on Joe Kidd, High Plains Drifter, The Eiger Sanction and The Outlaw Josey Wales. You will have noticed that these are all Clint Eastwood movies. And Clint was happy to have Fargo sit in the big boy’s chair too, allowing him to direct The Enforcer and Every Which Way But Loose. So Fargo knows his way around an action scene and in Forced Vengeance he stages a few good ones. And the script is okay too – for this kind of picture – co written by Fargo. And I can’t complain about the location shooting in Hong Kong. Some great images are presented on screen. But the acting is absolutely appalling, which is such a shame, because Fargo has gone to a lot of trouble to get everything else right. Surely it’s the directors job to pull up an actor when his performance is sub-par?

Briefly the plot. Josh Randall (Norris) is like an adopted son to Sam Paschal (David Opatoshu). Paschal is the owner of the Lucky Dragon casino, which is run by his son, David (Frank Michael Liu). Randall acts as head of security for the casino – which means he gets to kick the shit out of any trouble makers. Unfortunately for the Paschal’s, the mob, represented by Stan Raimondi (Michael Cavanaugh) want to buy into the Lucky Dragon casino. The Paschal’s refuse to sell and they are subsequently killed. Now the ownership of the Casino falls to Sam Paschal’s daughter, Joy (Camila Griggs), and naturally the mob want her out of the way too. Randall rushes to her side and drags her from pillar to post as they are chased through the mean streets of Hong Kong.

Forced Vengeance had an opportunity to be a pretty good genre flick – that being a ‘violent martial arts revenge flick’ – but is rendered barely watchable due to a lazy central performance by Norris. Maybe my memory is fading, but I don’t remember Chuck being this bad in A Force Of One or The Octagon. Sure he was pretty raw as an actor, but seemed enthusiastic…but here, well I have already laboured the point. This is crap.

Alan Quatermain And The Lost City Of Gold

Alan Quatermain And The Lost City Of Gold is a follow up to King Solomon’s Mines, which also starred Richard Chamberlain as Alan Quatermain, and Sharon Stone as perpetually screaming and shrieking Jessie Huston. The film is a step down from its predecessor, which wasn’t too good to begin with.

The film opens well enough with Alan Quatermain and Jessie Huston about to leave Africa for America where they plan to marry. The day before they are due to embark, a fellow adventurer, known to Quatermain, stumbles out of the jungle with some angry natives on his trail. Quatermain fights off the natives and gives the adventurer sanctuary. This guy had been a travelling companion to Quatermain’s younger brother Robeson (which I guess is a homage to Paul Robeson – who played Umbopa in the 1937 version of King Solomon’s Mines). Naturally, Quatermain is now concerned for his brother who wandered off into the jungle many months ago searching for the Lost City of Gold.

That night, the natives return to Quatermain’s home and sneak into the room where the adventurer lay recuperating. This time they finish him off. In the morning Quatermain finds the dead body and decides some investigating is required. He decides to mount his own expedition to find the Lost City of Gold and hopefully his brother still alive. This doesn’t sit too well with Jesse who had made intricate travel and wedding arrangements. But she gets over it and tags along on Quatermain’s quest, screaming and shrieking as she goes.

Also joining the troupe is James Earl Jones as Umslopogaas. Umslopogaas carries a bloody great axe, which is pretty handy when you are travelling through hostile uncharted jungle territory. Providing comic relief is Robert Donna as Swarma, who is a greedy mystic. Swarma is basically a coward, but his greed drives him forward on the adventure.

Like the book King Solomon’s Mines, the novel Alan Quatermain on which this is based has been filmed a few time before. The most infamous version, is King Solomon’s Treasure which starred John Colicos as Alan Quatermain, and featured David McCallum, Britt Ekland, and Patrick Macnee. King Solomon’s Treasure is often regarded as one of the worst films ever made, and at times Alan Quatermain And The Lost City Of Gold looks set to keep that tradition alive with some truly awful acting, dodgy sets and special effects, and worst of all for a city of gold – gold that looks like mud. As a viewer, when I get to the city of gold, I want to say ‘Wow!’ – not ‘Oh look, they’ve dipped the city in chocolate!’. Henry Silva, outfitted in a ridiculous wig, which makes him look like he is out of Spinal Tap gives an uncharacteristic wild performance as Agon, the evil would-be ruler of the City of Gold. Usually I like Silva because he is so cool and menacing, but here he is off the fucking planet. I guess he’s good for a laugh anyway, because that’s all this film is really good for is a few laughs. The ending is terrible – but so bad it is good (you know what I mean).

King Solomon’s Mines

As a young man at college, there were a few things that I did that were not really beneficial to the course I was studying. These weren’t bad things by any stretch of the imagination, but show that I was not as diligent in my studies as some of my class mates. One of these areas in which I strayed was in my library habits. While my class mates were borrowing books on design and typography, I was engrossed in the classic section. By classics I don’t mean William Shakespeare or Thomas Hardy – I mean Conan Doyle and H. Rider Haggard. In particular, I remember the three leather bound editions they had of She, King Solomon’s Mines, and Alan Quatermain. Naturally I devoured them all.

Also at this time, Cannon Films released King Solomon’s Mines starring Richard Chamberlain as Alan Quatermain. The film also featured a virtually unknown actress named Sharon Stone (remember this is 7 years before Basic Instinct and she hadn’t acquired her sexual predator image). This is possibly her first big role.

Naturally, having recently read the book, I went and saw King Solomon’s Mines at the cinema. The cinema was all but empty and I walked out pretty disappointed. Later, when the film was released on video, I caught the film at a student video night, and watching the film with a very relaxed and light hearted audience, I came away with a very different viewing experience. The movie was still crap, but in an enjoyable way. Everything in it is so over the top. It was never meant to be an adaptation of H. Rider Haggard’s novel, but rather a non-stop roller coaster ride. Once viewed in that light the film is very entertaining.

The action adventure begins with Professor Jebidiah Huston examining a small statue of a women. It looks Egyptian and is inscribed with markings and symbols all over the body. The Professor has spent all his life searching for King Solomon’s Mines and believes this may be a map to their actual location. Before the Professor can decipher the statue, the party is interrupted by evil Turkish merchant, Dogati (John Rhys-Davies). Dogati demands that the Professor decipher the map now and tell him where the mines are. The Professor refuses.

Several months later, Jesse Huston (Sharon Stone) comes looking for her father. She has been sent a letter saying that she can meet up with him in the village of Tungola. She is to meet him in an establishment run by slimy trader Kassam (Shaike Ophir). But first she must get to Tungola. That’s where great white hunter and guide, Alan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain) comes in. He leads Jesse Huston’s party to the remote jungle village.

Waiting for Jesse Huston are two men. The first is Dogati who has not been able to make the Professor tell where the mines are. The second man, who is Dogati’s partner out of necessity, rather than friendship and trust, is Colonel Bockner (Herbert Lom). Bockner is a pompous German soldier who plans to take the treasure at the mines for the glory of Germany (and his own personal gain, of course).

Once in Tungola, Jesse manages to get herself kidnapped a couple of times, requiring Quartermain to come to her rescue. During the mayhem, Quatermain learns that Dogati and Bockner have Jesse’s father and are transporting him by train to a German military camp in Burumba. Being and action adventure film, Quatermain and Jesse catch the train and scramble on board. But once again, Jesse gets captured and is taken by Dogati and Bockner to her father. Dogati threatens to torture Jesse unless the Professor reveals the location of the mines. The Professor breaks and tells all.

Once again, Quatermain comes to the rescue and saves both Jesse and the Professor. But it is now too late, both Dogati and Bockner are making their way towards the mine and the fabulous riches there within. The Professor pleads with Quatermain to race to the mines first, (with Jesse in tow, too). Reluctantly he agrees and the race is on.

In modern times, the shadow of Indiana Jones looms large over most ‘old fashioned’ action adventures. And undoubtedly, King Solomon’s Mines is drinking from the same well, but you’ve got to remember that there were action adventure films before Indiana Jones. Granted Indiana Jones did it better than most, and that’s why it is used as a template and so many movies are compared to the series. The story of King Solomon’s Mines itself, has been filmed (or variations of) at least four other times. The story is a much loved classic, and it is a classic because it is a good old fashioned adventure, and that’s what the film strives to be. It isn’t a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination but it is darn good fun – particularly if you don’t expect too much from it, and it is viewed with an audience.

Gladiators 7

I don’t know a whole lot about Richard Harrison. I first discovered him when I bought the Retromedia Terminal Force / Ring Around The World Double Feature DVD. Terminal Force is almost unwatchable, but Ring Around The World has quickly become one of my Eurospy favourites.

Gladiators 7 is an earlier role for Harrison, and the film, despite there being ‘Seven’ gladiators is very much in the style and tradition of The Three Musketeers.

Darius (Richard Harrison) is a Spartan Prince who has been captured by the Romans. However the Romans do not know he is a Prince, and have him locked up with all the other Spartan prisoners, who are forced into service as Gladiators. The film opens with five of the Spartan Gladiators climbing the walls and escaping. We later learn that Darius was responsible for their escape and is to be punished. He is lead out into the Coliseum, where the Caesar and the crowd are baying for blood. Eight Gladiators are waiting in the arena to fight Darius, and they begin a relentless attack upon him. Darius fights like a lion (sorry, I had to put that cliché in), and even though he is outnumbered, he slowly cuts down the numbers against him.

Somehow he manages to survive the onslaught, but that does not mean he is allowed to live. Caesar orders the Legionnaires surrounding the arena to kill Darius. The legionnaires surround Darius and throw their lances, but each deliberately miss. The Legionnaires respect Darius’ fighting ability and tenacity, and they request clemency for the brave warrior. The Caesar reluctantly agrees. Darius is freed but must return to Sparta.

Much has happened in Sparta since Darius has been gone. His father has committed suicide and Yarva is now the ruler. Those who have watched a few Peplum will know that Rulers of Ancient Kingdoms do not commit suicide. There is always a treacherous deed that leads to their downfall. And so is the case here. In fact Yarva killed the King, and one of the town’s respected elders, Melong, cover it up, proclaiming that it was suicide.

To complicate matters even further, Yarva wants to marry Melong’s beautiful daughter, Aglaia (Loredana Nusciak). But she is in love with Darius. Hmmm, nice little love triangle.

Darius returns home and finds his whole world turned upside down. He visits his home, and finds his family gone. The old housekeeper hands over his Father’s sword and tells him to seek vengeance. Which he does, with the help of the housekeeper’s son, Livius (Enrique Avila).

It’s not long before the two are in trouble, when they are set upon by Yarva’s men. The duo fight like tigers (sorry) and vanquish there foes, but in the skirmish, Darius drops his sword.

The sword is found by Yarva, who kills Melong with it. As it’s Darius’ sword he gets the blame. And more importantly for Yarva, now Aglaia hates Darius. She believes he murdered her father.

Yarva’s men once again try to capture Darius, but he escapes. He decides he needs a little help. With Livius, he heads into the country to find the five Gladiators he helped free from the Romans. Naturally each of these men is a great warrior and agrees to help Darius regain his rightful position.

Gladiators 7, storywise is familiar territory for those who have watched any vintage swashbucklers, but it handles it all with a great sense of style and fun. As we’ve already seen in the 50 Movie Pack there are quite a few clunkers in the set, but this isn’t one of them. This is enjoyable if somewhat predictable entertainment.

Ali Baba and the Seven Saracens

There seems to be a few versions of this EuroSword flick floating around and depending on which version you find, the hero is either Ali Baba (sans forty thieves), or Sinbad (sans sailing). The most common version available appears to be Ali Baba And The Seven Saracens. The film itself is a middling affair. Some of the sets are rather fake and the dubbing into English is quite wooden. All the actors shout at each other, vowing acts of vengeance and the like. The best thing about this movie is voluptuous actress Bella Cortez, who plays Fatima. She fills her costume in a way that very few of our modern actresses could do.

The film opens in an unnamed Kingdom in the Middle East. It appears that the Kingdom is without a king, and Omar (Gordon Mitchell) is filling in as care-taker. He is answerable to the unseen Magi (wise men, I guess), and the leaders of the Seven Saracens (or districts, if you will) that make up the Kingdom. But acting as care-taker is not enough for Omar. He is an evil tyrant-type who wants nothing but total control over the Kingdom, and to sit on the Golden Throne without interference.

The Magi decree, that to find the new King, a tournament will be held. Each of the Saracens will send their leader to fight in a battle to the death. Whoever is alive at the end will be the new King. Omar, with a massive strength advantage, is the odds on favourite to claim the crown.

One of the Saracens, the ‘Mahariti’ have been without a leader for some time. Ali Baba (who may be a Prince, but it is never really explained?) has been in exile. He returns to lead the Mahariti. Omar isn’t happy about this and sends some guards to capture Alia Baba. They fail, and Ali Baba escapes, only to be found by Fatima (Bella Cortez). In, what has possibly got to be the shortest romance of all time, Ali Baba and Fatima fall in love. No sooner than they have confessed their love for each other, than they are captured by Omar’s troops, and sent to the dungeon.

In the dungeon, Ali befriends a midget named Dookie (Tony Di Mitri). Dookie, who is small enough to crawl around the air vents and secret passages in the castle, has formulated a plan to free all the prisoners in the dungeon.

Ali Baba And The Seven Saracens is pretty silly in parts but it is fairly fast paced, which is a big plus. My main problem with the film is the character of Alia Baba. Nothing against Dan Harrison’s performance, he looks the part, but the character is simply not very convincing. He falls into nearly every trap set for him. SPOILER AHEAD: And even at the tournament at the end of the film, where he represents the Mahariti’s for the crown, his victory (yes, he wins, but you knew that, didn’t you?) is really hollow. He seems to win, more from good luck rather than outsmarting his physically stronger opponent. Personally I think he a bit of a loser, but he does get the girl in the end – so what more can I say?

Hercules Against the Barbarians

As with most of the Peplum films that are out there, there appears to be many versions of this film, varying in running time from about 90 minutes to 120 minutes. As well as differing running times, the films hero seems to change from either Hercules or Masciste, the son of Hercules. But that shouldn’t matter too much. The version I am reviewing here is the shortened American version, Hercules Against The Barbarians from, you guessed it, the Mill Creek Warriors 50 Movie Pack.

In many ways this is a follow up to Hercules Against The Mongols. Both films feature Mark Forest as Hercules (or Maciste), Ken Clark, and José Greci; and they are directed by Domenico Paolella. Unfortunately this film isn’t as entertaining than it’s ‘unofficial’ prequel.

In Hercules Against The Mongols, Ken Clark played one of Genghis Khan’s sons (Sayan), but this time he plays Kubilai. But in both films he had to sport a silly hairpiece and a droopy moustache.

The movie starts off with Genghis Khan and his Mongol army invading Poland. Actually we don’t see the invasion, only lots of Mongols, waving spears of horseback. The narrator tells us the Mongols have suffered their first defeat. We are also told that Hercules has fought alongside the Polish, like a ‘tornado’. And when we finally clap eyes on Hercules, he is being thanked, slapped on the back and sent on his way. The opening seems like a bit of a ripoff to me. We hear of a great battle but don’t see it.

Hercules is heading back to Arminia (Jose Greci), his fiancé, but before he arrives, strange things are happening in her village. Firstly a woman, Arias (Gloria Milland) is being chased by an angry mob. They accuse her of being a witch and want to burn her at the stake. She finds refuge in Arminia and her father’s cottage. However, he protection doesn’t last too long, as a band of Mongols arrive and kidnap Arminia, and kill her father. Arias is left arrive, and blamed for the atrocity. The mob quickly pick up their flaming torches once more and tie Arias to a stake. But just before going up in flames, she is rescued once more, this time by Hercules.

It is determined that the Mongols have taken Arminia to the city of Tornapol, where she is being held captive by Genghis Khan (Roldano Lupi). Naturally enough, Hercules and his new lady friend, Arias, set off in a bid to rescue Arminia.

The real villain in this movie is Kubilai (Ken Clark). Kubilai is a vicious piece of work, prepared to kill anyone who hinders his ascension to power, including his father and his brother. His malevolence is shown when he stabs one of his lovers in the heart after she has learnt too much about Kubilai’s plans.

At times, Hercules Against The Barbarians veers into Tarzan territory. Hercules battles various rubber creatures during his travels including a giant python, and a crocodile. Forest makes an admirable attempt at making the croc fight seem real, but cannot overcome the glaringly fake rubber reptile.

For me, Hercules Against The Barbarians is a weak entry in the Sword and Sandal series. Forest is not my favourite Hercules. He takes the role far too seriously and always looks to be in pain. At best the Hercules films are the antecedents of the swashbuckling films of the thirties and the forties. Errol Flynn and Tyrone Power always had a cheeky smile. Not so Forest. He is workman like in his approach.

On top of that this movie is fairly slowed paced and drags between action sequences. There is one sequence that is worth mentioning though. It is in the palace of Genghis Khan, and we are treated to an array of ‘regal’ entertainment, including oriental dancers spinning plates on sticks, and acrobats spinning and tumbling over giant flags as they are swirled around the room. The entertainment culminates with Hercules and one of Genghis Khan’s warriors fighting to the death in a gauntlet of (rubber tipped) spears.

Fire Monster Against the Son of Hercules

The version of Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules that I viewed seems to be an American repackaging of another English version of the film. It features a toe-tapping theme song, “The Mighty Sons Of Hercules” which appears to have been tacked onto a few Sons Of Hercules Adventures – for example Mole Men Against The Son Of Hercules starring Mark Forest. In this film Reg Lewis plays Maciste, but the very weird thing is that whenever he says his name, he has been re-dubbed (by another voice that sounds nothing like the original dub). He says “My name is MAXIS – SON OF HERCULES”

This film is a bit different to many of the other Hercules, or Sons Of Hercules films. It doesn’t take place in ancient Greece or Italy. It takes place in the Ice Age. Which brings us to a very interesting question. How could the Son Of Hercules being wandering around the planet, when his father wasn’t born till several thousand years later? Maybe it’s best that we ignore that.

The films opens with the Sun Tribe venturing out of the ice, trying to find a new home where they can set up camp. These are the good guys. You can tell, because they wear white fur skins as clothing. Amongst the Sun Tribe are Idar (Luciano Marin) and Fuwan (Andrea Aureli). They are set to be married. As they stroll along the foreshore of a lake, a giant rubber water dragon attacks them. It looks like it is curtains for our young lovers, but from a cliff top over-looking the lake, up jumps Maxis (Reg Lewis). Lewis, who is suitably beefy for the role, looks like a blonde Elvis on steroids. His slicked back, rockabilly haircut seems a little bit out of place during the Ice Age, but that is just another thing that it is best that we ignore. Maxis tosses a spear at the dragon which hits it in the eye. The dragon dies and Maxis walks off, having completed his good deed for the day.

Later, Idar and Fuwan are married. As the ceremony finishes, the Sun Tribe’s camp is attacked by the Moon Tribe. You can tell the Moon Tribe is bad because they wear black fur skins. The Moon Tribe kill most of the men, and take the women prisoner. They march the women back to their camp, which is hidden in a cave.

Idar is now leader of the surviving Sun people, and naturally wants Fuwan (and the other girls) back. He sends out search parties for Maxis, who is undoubtedly wandering around in a forest nearby awaiting some kind of calamity, where his strength and services will be required. He responds to the call, and tracks the Moon Tribe to the underground lair.

Inside the cave, Maxis meets and teams up with Moa (Margaret Lee), and that folks is possibly the main reason to watch this film. There is something special about watching Margaret Lee scantily clad in animal skins.

Despite the title, Maxis doesn’t really have to battle a giant Fire Monster in this film. There are two dragons and a few snake like water monsters, but this film isn’t really a rubber monster flick. It is about the two warring tribes.

There are some decent set pieces throughout the film, mostly fights with bloody great clubs, and of course, Maxis gets to throw around a few paper mache rocks and trees. The cheesiest moment happens when Maxis and Moa have been captured by the Moon Tribe and are buried up to their neck in sand. How the couple escape form this dire predicament is laughable.

Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules is pretty average. If it didn’t feature Margaret Lee, I would have switched off half way. Reg Lewis is wooden and very low-key as the hero. As a screen presence, I’d say he was over shadowed by Luciano Marin as Idar. And I am not too convinced about the Stone Age backdrop to this film either. I miss seeing the grand palaces with their evil Kings and Queens, the staple of so many peplum films. All in all, I think this film is a bit of a failure.

Man on Fire

Ever had one of those weeks when everything you touch turns to shit? Last week was one of those for me. By Friday evening, at just about the time that I should have been getting ready to hit the pub, I was absolutely brain dead. My communication skills had been reduced to a few well placed grunts, and some vigorous head nodding. Obviously on this night I wasn’t going anywhere. And if I couldn’t drag my sorry ass off to the pub, then there was even less chance of me hitting the local Blockbuster.

Surprisingly for someone who spends a considerable amount of time in front of the tube, I actually watch very little television. A show has to be of exception quality (as loose as my standards are) or be about a topic I am particularly interested in for me to commit to it. As for movies, beyond SBS and the ABC which aren’t too bad, the other network channels constantly bombard you with ad breaks and messages scrolling along the bottom. Really, I ask you, who can deal with that distraction these days?

The fact that I actually watched Man On Fire on tele that evening must say something about my state of mind. Yep I watched it! And while I enjoy a good revenge flick, and story wise, Man On Fire ticks most of the appropriate boxes, I have one major gripe – what is it with film editing these days! How come every action film has to have rapid fire jump cutting, deliberately jerky camera work, sped-up or slow down sequences and every array of coloured filter and video effect imaginable applied to it? Why can’t they just tell the story? It’s not like Man On Fire lacked acting talent – the film features Denzel Washington, Christopher Walken and Mickey Rourke. Surely they have the acting chops to convey the human drama of the story.

I am sure that Denzel Washington can portray a slightly unhinged and confused character without the camera jerking all over the place to symbolise his inner turmoil.

The story is set in Mexico City. Washington plays Creasy, who on the recommendation of his friend Rayburn (Christopher Walken), Creasy accepts a job as a bodyguard for Lisa (Radha Mitchell) and Samuel (Marc Anthony). His job is to protect their daughter Peta (Dakota Fanning). Creasy has spent most of his life as an assassin in the Special Forces. Now away from the service, he is pretty messed up inside about some of the things he has done. Accepting the jon for Creasy is tough, as he is emotionally shut off from the world.

Gradually as Creasy goes about his duties, chaperoning and protecting Peta, she gradually breaks down his defences, and he becomes human again.

Then disaster strikes. An armed squad of kidnappers attempt to snatch Peta. Creasy kills two and seriously injures two others, but they still manage to abduct Peta. For his trouble Creasy spends the next few months in hospital recovering from four bullet wounds he received in the attack.

While Creasy is in hospital, a special Police liaison officer handles Peta’s ransom negotiation for Lisa and Samuel. Unfortunately he makes a botch of it, and Peta is killed.

Creasy was already a slightly unhinged killing machine. Whatever humanity he had was due to Peta. Now that she is gone, well Creasy goes on the warpath, killing everybody who was involved in the kidnapping plot.

I do not know if I am getting too old for this shit. As a revenge flick, Man On Fire has all the ingredients to fill my violent retribution quota for the week. But the film-making style on display here just drives me to distraction.

Sinbad the Sailor

As this Sinbad movie predates Harryhausen’s 7th Voyage Of Sinbad by about ten years, this film doesn’t feature any rubber monsters or mythical creatures. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It simply means this film relies on old fashioned adventure and swashbuckling.

The film opens around a campfire, and Sinbad (Douglas Fairbanks Jnr) is retelling the tales from his previous seven voyages, but the audience is bored. They have all heard his fantastical stories before. And furthermore, they didn’t believe him, the first time he told them. In an earnest attempt to make believers of the men gathered around Sinbad begins retelling the tale of his latest (the 8th) voyage.

Sinbad’s tale begins with a ship floundering off the shore during a violent thunderstorm. Sinbad and his buddy, Abbu (George Tobias), swim out to the ship and take control. On board, the crew is all dead. The water bag has been poisoned. Also on board, Sinbad discovers a map to the fabled land of Derriobah where Alexander The Great is said to have hidden his treasure. Adding to the mystery, in the captain’s quarters, a stained glass window has the same image as an amulet that Sinbad wears around his neck. It is an amulet that he has had since birth.

The legend goes that the King of Derriobah feared that pirates would kidnap his son in an effort to have him reveal the whereabouts of the treasure. So he sent his son off to be brought up in a far away land – away from brigands and pirate treasure seekers. Once the young Prince had grown to manhood, a ship was sent out to find him and bring him back home.

Now the ship has been found, many people believe it will lead them to Derriobah, including Sinbad (who may or may not be the Prince). But as he makes port to take on a crew, the map disappears, and with it, his guide to riches untold of.

Adding to the adventure is Shireen (Maureen O’Hara). Now that Sinbad has lost the map, he believes Shireen is his link to Derriobah. But unfortunately for Sinbad, she has teamed up with the cutthroat Amir of Daipur (Anthony Quinn) in their own quest to find the treasure. Regardless, Sinbad sets sail with his own crew of miscreants in a race to find the lost land and the riches of Alexander The Great.

This film is a nice little adventure tale, but it isn’t too frenetically paced. The running, jumping and swinging style of swashbuckling doesn’t really kick in till the forty minute mark. That’s not to say that the film is boring. It isn’t, but for the first third it concentrates on it’s characters rather than action set pieces. As far as swashbucklers go, this film isn’t bad, but it is a step down from the type of film that Errol Flynn or Tyrone Power had done previously.

Operation Pink Squad II

Operation Pink Squad II is a Hong Kong martial arts, ghost story comedy farce from the 80’s. That alone should tell you quite a bit about the movie – it has a bit of everything in it, and it’s all over the place. But these movies were made to entertain and generally Operation Pink Squad II does that.

Also known as Thunder Cops the story concerns four police women and their male superior officer who are trying to bust a Japanese counterfeit ring. The counterfeiters have used four Japanese girls as couriers to smuggle the plates into Hong Kong. The smugglers were stopped at the airport and arrested. Now the four policewomen are to take their place and arrest the Hong Kong connection in the scheme.

The police superintendent arranges for accommodation in Maple Towers, which is an old multi-storey apartment block complex. Unfortunately Maple Towers has a slight ghost problem. To alleviate this, the caretaker arranges for a kung-fu fighting Buddhist priest to come to the building and clean out the ghosts. And clean them out he does, capturing each of them and squishing them into little cloth bags.

As the priest takes takes his haul of sixty ghost filled bags down to the basement – and the doorway to hell – he drops one of the bags and it scuttles off. The priest believes his work is done and leaves the building. The ghost that has escaped, though, is the nastiest of the bunch.

Meanwhile the jealous husband of one of the policewomen turns up. He believes she is having an affair with her superior. His solution is simple. He plans to kill them both. As intense as this sounds, it is played out in a slapstick manner.

What we then have is four police women, one police man, and one deranged husband trapped in a building with a vengeful ghost. This leads to some mild horror and a lot of running around screaming. It gets even wilder when our inept heroes chop off the ghosts head with an axe. Now the head flies around the corridors chasing them, as does the headless body. Twice the trouble.

Then the boss of the counterfeit ring arrives to close the deal for the plates. He is carrying a bag full of money. Somehow in the chaos and the commotion, the ghosts head flies into the money bag and the counterfeiter takes it off site.

This as you’d expect from a Hong Kong martial arts, ghost story comedy farce is a pretty weird film. For me though, it isn’t as good as many others in this style simply because of the very broad comedy. In places it’s like a smutty version of Abbott & Costello, and I can imagine that a great deal of viewers will enjoy it. I was after more kung fu ass kicking, than farcical mugging, but having said that, I am sure on another given day, I will take time to watch this film again and think that it is an absolute classic. But not this time.