Rome: Armed To The Teeth

Here’s a quick look at another cop thriller from Italy. This poliziotteschi (as Italian cop thrillers are called), features Maurizio Merli as Dectective Leonardo Tanzi, a tough cop in the Dirty Harry tradition. As an actor, Merli was often derided as being a Franco Nero wannabe, but this probably has more to do with his blonde hair and blue eyed looks than the quality of his acting. In fact Merli carved out quite a niche for himself playing tough cops in a series of films, most notably, Violent Rome (1975), Violent Naples (1976), and the sequel this film, The Cynic, The Rat And The Fist (1977) – the last two, also directed by Umberto Lenzi.

Rome Armed To The Teeth doesn’t have much of a plot. It is very episodic and there is very little investigating or police procedure involved. There are a lot of ‘right place at the right time’ sequences. Crime just seems to happen around Tanzi.

As I said, this film is Dirty Harry inspired, that is, Tanzi keeps arresting the crooks, and the next day they are back out on the street. Also, Tanzi’s unorthodox (and sometimes violent) methods continually result in him being dragged over hot coals by his superior, Ruini (Arthur Kennedy).

And interesting subplot, which isn’t explored as fully as it could be, is the relationship between Tanzi and his girlfriend, Anna (Maria Rosaria Omaggio). Anna is a criminal psychologist, and on her recommendation many criminals are released early or set free. Of course, this is at odds with Tanzi’s opinion, that all criminals should be locked up – no matter what the circumstances. Her attitude (understanding, and rehabilitation), doesn’t even waver, even after a gang of hoodlums kidnap her, and beat and humiliate her in an attempt to get to Tanzi. She refuses to tell him the details of the abduction, in the fear that he’ll fly off the handle and seek retribution.

The villain of the piece is a hunchback named Maretto, played by Tomas Milian. At first glance, because of his deformity, he seems like a weedy lower tier punk, but he actually is psychotic (but it is hard to take seriously someone who wears red trousers!) Maretto’s most violent act is when, armed with a sub-machine gun, he hijacks an ambulance. In transit, he kills the doctor and patient on board, and forces the driver to race around the streets of Rome; all the while an armada of police cars follow in hot pursuit. A traffic light stops the chase, and the ambulance crashes in a crowed market. Maretto jumps out of the ambulance and fires his sub-machine gun into the crowd to create a diversion.

There’s some very good setpieces in this film. One of the best is after a gang of upper-class teenagers, led by the baby-faced Stefano Patrizi, rape a girl and beat up her boyfriend. Tanzi catches up with the ‘perps’ at a billiard parlour, and after smashing Patrizi’s face right through the glass top of a pinball machine, he beats the crap out of the other members of the gang. It is very interesting to compare this scene to a similar scene in a billiard parlour, in Chuck Norris’ Code Of Silence (1985).

Rome Armed To The Teeth is a good fast paced cop thriller. If it has a small weakness, it is the resolution. After all the good action set pieces (the two mentioned above, a rooftop chase, and a good hostage situation in a bank), that the final confrontation doesn’t really stack up. But that aside, this film has good, tough dialogue, good action scenes, and terrific pumping score, by Franco Micalizzi. If you like cop films, this is worth a look, but beware – there are butchered versions of this film out there that only run 79 minutes, and apparently are missing the opening scenes, that set up much of Tanzi’s frustration with the system.

Mike Hammer: Beautiful, Blue & Deadly

I don’t know too much about this Mike Hammer television series, but it must have been pretty popular in it’s day. It ran from 1956 to 1959 and if all the episodes were as solid and witty as this, then I don’t know why it’s not out there as a complete series on DVD. But hey, that’s not my decision. The blurb of the one video I have found expounds the virtues of the series:

”This private-eye series was every bit as violent as the novels that made Mickey Spillane famous…

A typical plot had a man and woman thrown down a flight of stairs, a brutal fist fight, a knifing and a shooting, plus Hammer making what appeared to be a highly successful pass at a married woman…”

With a write up like that, I couldn’t help but be drawn to the series (or more correctly – to any episodes that I can find). This episode opens at Aikens Garage. Johnny Aikens is a fine mechanic (or so the voice over tells us). Mike Hammer (Darren McGavin) always takes his car to Aikens Garage for repairs.

As Aikens and Hammer are old friends, they spend a bit of time chatting in the office. Aikens says how he is keen to get his hands on a 1956 sports model Jag. The previous day, a gentleman called Arthur Phister came to the garage and said he would pay top money for a car that was exactly as he wanted. That is a baby blue 1956 sports model Jag, with white wall tyres, and a rear tyre rack.

At that moment a dame, Susan Reed (Nita Talbot) drives into the garage, driving just such a vehicle, and wishing to sell. Aikens cannot believe his luck.

Now Hammer has been around the block a few times and knows all the confidence tricks. He’s seen this one before. He quickly realises that Susan and Phister are working together. They have figured that if Aikens believed he had a buyer who was ready and waiting, he bump up the price he’d pay. But they haven’t counted on Hammer’s intervention.

Oh well, their scheme had failed, but Susan needs to sell the car. You see, she was just widowed a few weeks previously, and she needs the dividend from the vehicle’s sale to simply get by.

After the sale is complete Aikens and Hammer check the car over. They are surprised to find blood stains on the floor and a couple of bullet holes in the back seat. Hammer doesn’t waste any time and calls in his best friend Pat Chamber (Bart Burns).

Chambers arrives and examines the car, but it doesn’t require much examining. It had been impounded for the last four weeks after Harry Reed – Susan’s dead husband – had been shot after returning home one evening. The car had been returned to Susan the previous day, and it is perfectly legal for her to sell it. No mystery so far, so Hammer leaves the garage, but promises to return later in the day to collect his car.

Meanwhile Oliver Lynch, Harry Reed’s silent partner has tracked down Susan. He wants the car. As she doesn’t have it any more, she points him in the direction of the garage.

Lynch arrives at the garage an claims to be a friend and wants to buy the car. Aikens shows him the vehicle, but then is distracted by a phone call. Left alone Lynch starts tearing the car apart, frantically searching for something hidden inside. Aikens finishes the call, and returns to Lynch. He is dismayed to see the damage Lynch is doing and tries to prevent it. For his trouble, Lynch hits him over the back of the head with a monkey wrench.

I could go on, but you get the idea. The episode has a few more good wisecracks, a couple of shootouts, and two fist fights – all this squeezed inside a thirty minute package.

As I mentioned at the top, I don’t know if all the episodes are like this, but if they are, then if you are a Mike Hammer fan, this series is one that is worth checking out.

Mike Hammer: I, The Jury

In the 80’s when this film first came out I thought it was one of the classic detective movies. I was going through a Philip Marlowe and Mike Hammer phase, and this film had everything: sex, violence, tough dialogue, and dead fish.

But time has moved on, and I have grown up (well, a bit anyway). Now I see I, The Jury for what it truly is – a B-grade action film that is so sleazy that it encroaches on being an exploitation picture. Not that that’s a bad thing, I just remember it as being slightly more classy. After all, this is the film, that in it’s trailer, promised Mike Hammer making love to a ‘gorgeous set of twins’. With advertising like that, how could I stay away?

For those who have never heard of I, The Jury, it features a hard-boiled detective named Mike Hammer, and is based on a novel by Mickey Spillane. Above I mentioned Raymond Chandler’s iconic detective, Philip Marlowe who is different to Hammer. Sure they are both hard asses, but Marlowe works in the candy coloured world of Los Angeles, and particularly Hollywood. His down-to-earth nature is always juxtaposed against the phoney façade of tinsel town. Hammer, on the other hand deals more with ‘underworld’ types. He’s a ‘crush your kidney with a crowbar’ kind of guy. Today, Spillane’s writing is often accused of being extremely right wing, bordering on fascism.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Mike Hammer has appeared on the screen. In fact I, The JuryKiss Me Deadly was filmed once before in 1953, with Biff Elliot playing Hammer. Other popular Hammer films are the classic with Ralph Meeker, and The Girl Hunters which featured Spillane himself as Mike Hammer. The Girl Hunters also featured Shirley Eaton, the woman who’s image is indelibly etched into the minds of any boy who watched Goldfinger as a kid. Hammer has also turned up on television, first in the 50’s portrayed by Darren McGavin, and then later in the 80’s with Stacey Keach taking on the role.

But that’s enough background information about Hammer.

The film open with one of Hammer’s friends, Jack Williams (Frederic Downs), who happens to be a detective, being shot and killed. Williams was a Vietnam vet who lost an arm during the Tet Offensive. Hammer is called to the murder scene by Pat Chambers (Paul Sorvino). Chambers, who is a police detective, is also a friend of Hammer’s. In a very strange, creepy scene, Hammer is visibly upset at his friends death. Because he is so tough he isn’t about to cry, but he does pick up Williams prosthetic arm and cradle it. I think it is supposed to be an emotional moment, but like I said it is just plain creepy.

Naturally, Hammer wont leave it to the police to find his friends killer, and he starts poking around. It appears that Williams had been having sexual problems, and going to a private clinic to sort it out.

Hammer turns up at the clinic to see what goes on. The clinic is run by Dr. Charlotte Bennett (Barbara Carrera – who you may remember as the villainous Fatima Blush in Sean Connery’s Bond comeback movie Never Say Never Again). Carrera is the one thing this movie has going for it. She is beautiful. Her acting isn’t too convincing, but that doesn’t really matter.

It seems that this sex clinic has some thing to do with the dirty dealings of the CIA. And as Hammer continues to investigate, and gets closer to the truth, the story gets more convoluted and people start to die a bit more frequently. The CIA is an organisation that doesn’t like it’s secrets revealed to the greater community. To stop Hammer, and to tidy up the loose ends, the CIA have a hitman, Mr. Kendricks (Judson Scott). Kendricks is an absolute nutter, whose speciality is killing women. He dresses them up in red wigs and makes them tell him that they love him. The CIA send this nut job after Velda (Laurene Landon), Hammer’s secretary.

From the brief synopsis above you’ve probably gathered that I, The Jury is a pretty violent film. It also features quite a bit of nudity (in some prints anyway – The German print that I watched recently appears to be cut – much to my disappointment). I don’t mind the odd bit of nudity in a motion picture, but here it is presented in such a voyeuristic fashion, that some viewers may feel the need to take a bath after watching this film.

Armand Assante isn’t really a good choice for Mike Hammer. Sure, he can be a good actor (maybe not this film), but he is (was) too young to play Hammer. He doesn’t seem world weary. And he scrubs up too well in a suit. Everybody knows that Hammer can’t afford a decent suit.

The music by Bill Conti has dated badly. I am sure in 1982, when the film came out, that combining brassy jazz sounds with a contemporary beat didn’t sound too bad. The jazz elements almost work today, but the 80’s contemporary sound is cheesy and sleazy (much like the movie). Conti is a good composer; he did the theme from Rocky, but he does have a tendency to compose scores that only work around the vintage that the film was made. Another example is his score for the Bond film For Your Eyes Only which is very difficult to listen to today.

All in all, if you’re a fan of Mike Hammer or just have a perverse fascination with Barbara Carrera, then you’ll have to watch this film. If not and your after a good detective movie this isn’t the place to start. There are better, and I feel more faithful adaptations of Spillane’s source material.

Mike Hammer: Song Bird

Song Bird is one of Stacey Keach’s later efforts as Mike Hammer. It was made after he’d got out of the Big House, after doing a six month stretch for cocaine possession. But by this time some of the magic had gone. Gone too is the gritty, hard boiled world of Hammer. In it’s place is a nice coat of polish. Somehow I feel that Mike Hammer shouldn’t be well lit and polished. It should be dark and dirty.

Although released as a DVD movie in 2003, this was actually a two part episode of the Mike Hammer: Private Eye series (1997-1998) – not to be confused with Keach’s other series, simply entitled Mike Hammer (1984-1987). Keach also did a few Hammer tele-movies, but I’ll ignore them for now – they’ll only confuse things.

The show starts of with a musical montage a Jazz Greats, like Satchmo, Ella Fitzgerald, and even Frank (Sinatra – not Stallone), floating through saxophones and neon treble clefs. Over the top, we get the voice over by Mike Hammer (Keach) who reminisces about the old days on 52nd Street – the clubs, the singers, and the scene. He is sitting in a smoky nightclub. Des Long and his Allstars are performing the old standard, ‘You Made Me Love You’. Out front, singing is Lila B (Moira Walley). The crowd loves her performance. After the number she leaves the club by the back entrance and meets her boyfriend Johnny Dive (Frank Stallone). Dive is a mobster and is wanted by the police. When he arrives, he hands Lila a gun and tells her to hide it for him. At that moment, three police cars, with lights-a-flashin’, and sirens-a-wailin’ race around the corner. Johnny pushes Lila into his car and she takes off. The police do not pursue her, as they are after Johnny. They stop and arrest him for possession of narcotics.

Back at the station, Johnny is being interrogated by Captain Skip Gleason (Peter Jason) and the D.A., Barry Lawrence (Kent Williams). For those who never caught any of this series when it was aired, Skip is the replacement for Pat Chambers (the cop who’s a friend to Hammer), and Lawrence is the over officious official who is always trying to revoke Hammer’s P.I. Licence. But here, they’re giving Johnny a hard time. They have a tape of one of Johnny’s deals. He is going down. But they give him an option – he can either go to prison for a long, long time, or he can rat on the local mob boss, Don Vito. Johnny reluctantly decides to turn.

Johnny gets a police ‘wire’ taped to his chest, and goes to the Napoli Restaurant for a meeting with Don Vito. Of course, it all goes horribly wrong. The ‘wire’ is discovered and the police have to rush in to the restaurant to rescue Johnny. This doesn’t work out so well either. The mobsters produce guns and a large scale shootout takes place. Despite all the bullets and the high body count, Don Vito manages to escape through on exit, and Johnny out of another. Johnny steals a car from the carpark and disappears.

So now the cops and the mob are after Johnny Dive. The mob think that the best way to get to him, is through Lila, but she cannot be found either. So the next link in the chain is Des Long (Jack Sheldon), the leader of the Jazz ensemble that Lila sings with.

The mob send a hitman to Long’s apartment. Long doesn’t know where Lila is and this doesn’t please the assassin. He is about to shoot Long, when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Mike Hammer, coming to collect Long for his performance later that night. Long yells out that Hammer should come back later with Betsy. Betsy is the name of Hammer’s gun. Hammer realises that something is wrong, and kicks open the door with his gun drawn. Then in slow motion he shoots the Mafia hitman, who flies back and falls out the window. Without knowing why or how, Hammer is now involved and has a case of sorts.

After the shooting, Hammer takes Long to the nightclub to perform. Long and his troupe play a few numbers. Later that evening Lila shows up to join them on stage. She sings one number, and then leaves the nightclub with the piano player. From outside, we hear two shots. Hammer and Long rush outside. A car takes off, and the piano player is lying dead on the ground. And of course, Lila is nowhere to be found. From here on the plot convolution spirals out of control.

Although extended to 80 minutes, Song Bird, while entertaining is not much different to your standard 40/45 minute episode. The padding comes courtesy of the Jazz sequences. As such, the success or failure of the show hangs on these scenes. When Jack Sheldon as Des Long is playing his trumpet, the mood is almost right – the club seems a little too bright, and there isn’t enough cigarette smoke – but hey that’s television. But what almost kills the show for me is Moira Walley as the titular Song Bird. She can hold a note, but not for a second do I believe that she is a goddess-like jazz chanteuse.

Song Bird is only for Mike Hammer completists. If you’re one, then step right up and enjoy this middling Hammer tale. For all others, for a jazz fix try Young Man With A Horn, and those in need of a detective fix should load up L.A. Confidential one more time.

Payback

The book, The Hunter on which this film is based, was previously filmed as John Boorman’s classic sixties crime film, Point Blank, which starred Lee Marvin. When I first heard that they were remaking it, I was pretty disgusted. There is certainly nothing wrong with the original. Why remake it? I saw it as another example of Hollywood’s lack of imagination.

When I finally saw Payback I wasn’t too impressed. To begin with, it’s opening scene features a bullet riddled Mel Gibson lying on a table. The dodgy doctor, who is about to patch him up, takes a long, long swallow from a glass of scotch, then refills the glass. This time he drops his operating tools (scalpels and the like) into the glass. At the time of viewing I had just finished reading Mickey Spillane’s The Black Alley. In the book, Mike Hammer has been shot up (again), and has to be patched up by an alcoholic ex-doctor. You know the kind, the ones you have been crossed off the medical register, because they botched an operation and the patient died. Now they drink to forget. Added to that, the next book I started reading was Robert Ludlum’s The Bourne Identity, in which Jason Bourne is patched by a drunken doctor. Clichés are a funny thing. Sometimes you don’t notice them until you are hit over the head two or three times in a row.

For me, at that time, another ‘drunken doctor’ story device was an unwelcome cliché. And let’s face it, it’s a hoary old chestnut to begin with, featured in numerous crime films from the 1940’s (the Humphrey Bogart movie, Dark Passage springs to mind).

Then I thought back to Point Blank and tried what recall how Lee Marvin had recovered from the bullet wounds. Actually we don’t see how Marvin got patched up. In fact we don’t see how he got off Alcatraz Island (for those who haven’t seen Point Blank, that’s where Marvin’s character is double-crossed and shot). Naturally for a tough guy like Lee Marvin, no explanation is necessary. It’s a given that he will survive.

That brings us back to Payback. On my first viewing my vision was cloudy by the crap clichéd opening. Added to that Gregg Henry and Lucy Liu’s characters have a very weird, violent sexual relationship going on. It added an element of sleaze to the film that wasn’t necessary. Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy the film too much.

But years have passed, and I sat down to watch Payback again. This time, I just let the film wash right over me. It’s been a few years since I have seen Point Blank, so Lee Marvin’s long shadow has diminished somewhat, and I know the film is a clichéd mess, so all that’s left to do is to enjoy the film for what it is…a piece of B-grade trash, with an A-grade budget. And I must confess I did enjoy the film, but I looked at it more as a quasi film-noir, rather than a  remake. And hey, maybe appropriating ‘noir’ elements like the drunken doctor were in keeping with the type of film they were making.

So what’s it all about? Mel Gibson is Porter (no first name). Porter is a career criminal who steals things. He teams up with Val Resnick (Gregg Henry) to steal a suitcase full of money from the members of a Chinese numbers racket. Porter and Resnick’s plan works to perfection and they get away clean with $140,000. Porter is expecting a half share totalling $70,000. This is where things go wrong for Porter. Porter’s wife, Lynn (Deborah Kara Unger), who had been driving the getaway car, shoots her husband in the back a few times (talk about a messy divorce!) Porter is left for dead, and Lynn drives of with Resnick who had pre-arranged the whole double cross. It seems Resnick needed all the money to pay off a local crime syndicate.

Six months later, Porter has healed and wants his money back – all $70,000, which he feels he had earned. And Porter is prepared to intimidate, beat or kill anyone to get it. The rest of the film is devoted to Porter’s dogged determination in retrieving his money.

As I mentioned at the top, I haven’t seen the Director’s Cut, but all reports indicate that it is a very different beast to the one we have here. Here we have a quasi film noir revenge movie. The Director’s Cut apparently draws it’s inspiration from the early seventies crime dramas that featured tough anti-heroes. Apparently the decision was made to re-shoot and re-edit the film in 1999, because it was believed that the viewing public weren’t ready to see Mel’s nasty side. I’d love to see it, but so far it hasn’t made it to this part of the world. But until then, I guess this isn’t as bad as I first thought. It’s a serviceable crime thriller, with Mad Mel being a little bit nastier than usual.